Getting engaged is one of the most exciting things that can happen between a loving couple. While many prefer intimate, private engagements, others also get down on one knee to pop the question in front of loved ones.
And while it can be a joyous occasion for the betrothed pair and those who are lucky to bear witness to such an event, others might be averse to such a public display of affection.
One example of a recent public proposal that went perfectly was Lady Eliza Spencer and her long-term love, Channing Millerd.
The couple were holidaying on the lavish Greek island of Santorini - the same location where Eliza's sister, Amelia, and her husband, Gregg Mallet, were pictured - and Channing got down on one knee during a candlelit meal at sunset.
© InstagramBut it's not everyone's cup of tea.
Jo Hayes, Wedding and Relationship Etiquette Specialist, gave her expert advice to HELLO! on whether it's good etiquette to propose in front of friends and family, and weighed in on the potential pressures involved.
Should you propose in front of friends and family?
Ultimately, it's a question of personal preference. It depends entirely on the individual, and the chances are the person in the relationship who is doing the proposing will have a good idea of what their partner would and would not like.
Jo agrees: "It depends entirely on the couple. What might be 'the best proposal ever' for one person could be 'I can't believe he did this - awful, embarrassing, far too much pressure,' for another. It really is Heaven vs. Hell in the proposal stakes.
"The appropriateness factor depends on whether the potential bride is comfortable with such a public proposal. By the time a couple is considering marriage, they should have a strong understanding of each other's personality, temperament, and social preferences.
"Does your partner enjoy being the centre of attention, or would that be their idea of a nightmare? If it's the latter, a public proposal is almost certainly a no-go."
© Getty ImagesIs it bad etiquette to propose in front of family and friends?
Jo explains that when it comes to the etiquette side of things, there's one major factor to consider.
"From an etiquette perspective, it all comes down to respect," Jo says, adding: "If your partner has made it clear they wouldn't want a public proposal, doing it anyway is poor form, it shows a disregard for their feelings and wishes.
"Most couples have discussed marriage before the proposal, future dreams, the idea of children, and how they see their lives together. This is also the time to gauge preferences around the proposal itself.
"If you're unsure, you can test the waters by casually showing them a public proposal on social media and asking, 'What do you think about this?' Please don't assume they'll know your preferences or that you'll know theirs, but be explicit.
"For example, they might say, 'Darling, please don't ever propose to me in public. I'd hate it.' If someone goes against such an explicit wish, that's not just bad etiquette; it’s a sign of disrespect that doesn't bode well for married life."
© Getty ImagesMajor 'dos' and 'don'ts'
Even if the person proposing is confident that their partner would love a public proposal, there are still some golden rules to follow.
Jo lays out some 'dos' and 'don'ts' to follow.
Dos:
- Consider your partner's feelings/desires/preferences. Does this suit her personality/expressed wishes for a proposal? If yes, great, go for it. If not, don't.
- Do ensure that your partner is VERY likely to say yes. If you haven't broached the marriage topic (and really, you should have by the time you're proposing marriage), it's possible that 'yes' is not going to be their answer. This could be supremely embarrassing for all concerned. It also puts a HUGE amount of pressure on them to say 'yes' to avoid said embarrassment, or it simply lands both of you in a big public embarrassment hole.
- Think about visibility and sound so your partner and anyone watching can clearly hear the big question.
Don'ts:
- Don't propose at someone else's big event. It's a major etiquette faux pas and takes the spotlight away from the person being celebrated. This also applies to birthdays, baptisms, baby showers, and any other personal milestone.
- Don't tell too many people beforehand, it will help keep the moment special and avoid accidental spoilers.
© Getty ImagesThe added 'pressures' of proposing in public
Jo says: "As stated above, if the one being asked isn't already convinced they want to get married before the proposal, then receiving a public proposal could be awful, and way too much pressure.
"It could push them into saying 'yes' when they're not sure or indeed would rather say 'no'.
"There is also an added layer of pressure for the one asking to say the right thing, and hope that they receive a response in the affirmative. But, if the couple are more than ready and all that's left to do is pop the question, then it's not necessarily pressure at all. It's joy, delight! The key, again, is to consider the personality, preferences of the individuals."
