Madonna shared some "painful" truths during her first interview in nine years. The 67-year-old revealed that she contemplated suicide while going through a custody battle with her ex-husband, Guy Ritchie, over their son, Rocco Ritchie, during her first-ever podcast interview for On Purpose with Jay Shetty. The Queen of Pop discussed during the two-hour interview how she considered ending her life in her darkest times after she and Guy became embroiled in a tense custody battle in 2016, after a then-16-year-old Rocco reportedly left his mom during her Rebel Heart Tour to go and live with his dad in London.
"There were moments in my life I wanted to cut my arms off… I actually contemplated suicide," she said. Asked what prompted those thoughts, Madonna replied: "I would say probably one of the most painful moments in my life where I honestly couldn’t see the forest for the trees, was when I went through a custody battle [over] my son.
"Even though my marriage didn't work out…I mean a lot of people's marriages don't work out. They marry the wrong people. They're not aligned. They're not meant for each other. Someone trying to take my child away from me was like, they might as well just kill me. That's really how I was thinking."
She continued: "And I was on tour at the time, so I had to go on stage every night. I would just be lying on the floor of my dressing room sobbing. I really thought it was like it was the end of the world. I couldn't take it. I just couldn't take it."
Madonna had primary custody of Rocco, but their relationship reportedly grew tense because he wanted to attend a traditional school, which prompted him to leave her tour and relocate to his dad's home. The former couple, who split in 2008, eventually settled the custody case, and it was decided that Rocco would stay in the UK with his father and attend school.
© Instagram
© Getty ImagesShe and Rocco are now "good friends," and Madonna credited her spirituality for helping her through her darkest times. "But thank God I don't feel that way anymore…I'm happy to say that I'm really good friends with my son, but I couldn't see it then," she added. "I really thought it was the end of the world. So, you know, thank God I had a spiritual life."
© InstagramThe strain Rocco's absence had on Madonna was evident, and in March 2016, she dedicated a rendition of "La Vie en Rose" to him during a performance in Auckland, New Zealand. "There's no love stronger than a mother for her son, and if I talk about him too much, I'm going to cry," she told the crowd. "I hope he hears this somewhere and he knows how much I miss him."
© Getty ImagesRocco later admitted that residing in London "had a huge effect on me". He told Vogue Hong Kong: "It was the perfect moment; I was shifting gears from a teenage boy to a young man, and it pushed me to focus on my passion but to also get out of my comfort zone."
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.
